


Like a Streetlight

by Joyjsleep



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Changbin is kinda there too, Crying, Funeral, Hyunjin speech, I'll leave it to your imagination, M/M, Sad, but i didnt really wanted to include that, chan and changbin are best friends, ig u could say there is some love, im sorry, kinda angsty but also not, maybe i'll write a story of before then?, of Changbin, so are Hyunjin and Changbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24630169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyjsleep/pseuds/Joyjsleep
Summary: He knew the day would come.The day he had to attend his best friends funeral.It was too much and not enough at the same time.“You know? I really don’t want my funeral to be sad.”
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, more best friends tho
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Like a Streetlight

17.10.2018

He stood there in his black suit looking down on that rectangle that was decorated with a variety of flowers, making the coffin look more colorful.  
He heard sniffles behind him, some movements and voices trying to comfort those that didn’t knew what else to do then cry.  
He himself wasn’t sure what to do, he wasn’t even sure why he was there. Changbin would be so mad at him right now. He would be nagging him, asking why he even attended a place that gave nothing but sadness away.

“You know? I really don’t want my funeral to be sad.”

To be fair, the boy knew that people would be sad.  
What else should happen when a mother lost her son? A sister her brother? A bunch of guys their good friend? The world a soul that did nothing but comfort those around it?  
What he meant was that the funeral itself should be a celebration. Or more like a get together of people who all had different memories with Changbin.  
Memories they could share to say their last goodbye before they move on. The feeling of sadness was only natural but there are different ways of handling it.  
Changbin wanted them to handle it together. To show one another that even though he might not be with them anymore there are still people who remember him and can share whatever connection they had with him. 

“As long as there are memories of me,.. I’m not really gone. And I dare to say that I made a lot of memories with many people within the short span I lived.”

He heard someone approaching him, stopping his train of thoughts for a while, quite welcome because he felt the sadness creeping up again. He refused to cry. Not now not here, not when Changbin was right in front him. 

“They wanna start the speeches. Why don’t you sit down with us?”, he heard his mother say and slowly turned to her.  
Just then he realized how sad this all looked. Changbin didn’t lie. He made quite a few memories judging by the amount of people that were here. All dressed in pure black, radiating nothing but darkness. It would bug him if he wouldn’t know just how much Changbin would have loved that image. 

“And I know this might sound hypocritical because I don’t want it to be sad, but I still think it would look cool when all people attended in that typical black one wears to funerals.”

He placed himself on the chair between his mother and sister. Somehow his whole family sat in the front line together with Changbins family. Maybe it was because their families been friends ever since his family moved to Korea when he was two.  
He really knew Changbin ever since he was born. They spent his lifetime together. 

The boy took a deep breath before his eyes locked themselves on that black coffin again. 

“Hello, my name is Hwang Hyunjin. I am here to share a memory or rather memories about Changbin with all of you.”, he heard his friend say. 

Hyunjin, the first friend Changbin made on his own.  
He still does remember the first time the younger told him about his new friend. 

“I know some of you won’t believe me when I say this, but when Changbin was younger, he was quite the shy kind. I’m sure that’s the opposite from what the most of you remember about him. Which is fine- really.”, Hyunjin looked up. 

His eyes landed on his friends who gave him small smiles and lastly on the Seo family. It was so painful to see them like this. 

“He only had one friend though this friend was his all. He indeed is a wonderful person. However he was also older then Binnie which meant that they couldn’t attend kindergarten together. At least not the whole time, since you know. His friend left for elementary school sooner.  
I didn’t notice Changbin until the day he was sitting alone on that swing. No one was there to push him so he could swing higher. To be honest, it didn’t quite look like he necessarily went on there to do that anyways. He just sat there looking at the ground and I felt sad seeing him like this. Hah…-”, Hyunjin looked at the coffin again.

Tears were threatening their way up to his eyes and this nasty knob was building up in his throat making it harder for him to talk clearly. 

“I’m sorry. I know you said no unnecessary sadness. I’m really trying Binnie, but you know that right? Just like I knew from that day I saw you on that swing that you’ll be my best friend.”, he turned to the people again. 

“Which is why I didn’t hesitate to walk up to you that day. As confident as a four year old boy can be I suppose. There…..-There are a thousand memories I have with you. I have memories of us crying because you had to leave for elementary school too. I have memories of us walking down the forest road to that candy machine whenever one of us had a little money even though we knew it would probably still be broken and our parents would scold us. I have memories of you being mad at me because I broke the first microphone you ever owned followed by the memory of you laughing because you said you regretted spending all of our money on that broken machine back when we were younger otherwise you could have easily bought a new mic. I have memories of you introducing Chan to me and me introducing Seungmin to you and of course slowly getting to know all the other boys together. I have the memory that you still somehow managed to lay your whole attention on me whenever I needed you even though you were getting so social.”

He felt his mothers hand on his shoulder yet again. Forcing him to look up again. He somehow managed to not once take his eyes off the coffin during Hyunjins speech, though he still listened to every single word.  
Hyunjin is a good person. He always knew that but seeing him now made it more clear to him because he knew that the boy had a sensitive soul. He knew how much he probably cried already to stay this calm right now. Probably because Changbin told him not to cry. 

“Try not to cry when you’re talking about me.”, Hyunjin then said as if he could read what the boy in the front line was thinking as they looked at each other for a split second.

The two people Changbin called his best friends. Even though he loved all his friends to death he made it clear that these two had a special spot every now and then.

“I want you to be happy when you talk about me.”, he continued. 

“I am happy.”, he said as he wiped his tears off his cheeks. Swallowing the knob in his throat and biting his lip. Fighting with himself. It looked so painful but at the same time peaceful. As if he was close to finally letting it all out. 

“I am happy you lived, Changbin. I am happy that I could be a part of your life. I am happy I had the chance to create all those memories with you. I am happy, I promise, so please- be happy too.”

He finished his speech and immediately let out a loud sob, allowing his tears to fall down and his breath to become unsteady as he walked to the coffin and placed a small fake mic on it. 

An insider the two shared, no one really knew but somehow they always gave each other this little mic on their birthdays. It’s not like they had a bunch of it. They had exactly one of those. Just swapping it twice a year.  
It’s not like that is the only thing that connected them. Hyunjin just passed the mic on one last time. Maybe that was his way off saying goodbye, even if he refused to say it out loud. 

“Beside missing my family, you, Hyunjin and all the other boys I will probably miss music the most.”

The boy stood up once again. Ignoring the grip on his shoulder and walked over to Hyunjin. Capturing him in a loving hug. Something both of them needed in that moment. He let the boy cry on his shoulder a while before he walked up to the front again. Now standing next to the coffin that filled his vision the whole time. Why is it that his eyes can’t see anything but this damn black square?

“Can you do me a favor?”

He slowly placed his hand on the fabric and started to hum a melody. One of the many songs Changbin wrote. It was quite unbelievable that he never released on of his song, although his friends would say the same about him and Jisung. They basically nagged them to at least post their songs on YouTube or any free website, but somehow they always ended up sharing the music with only their families and friends.

“Upload your music. It doesn’t have to be immediately. Do it whenever. In 10 years if you feel comfortable then. Oh, and tell Jisung to do the same, please.”

He just stood there and hummed a while, every now and then even whispered the lyrics but not loud enough for most of them to hear anything.  
It somehow felt like Changbin was humming with him. Like he wasn’t in that coffin but rather sitting on top of it. Swaying his body ever so slightly to the lovely melody with that beautiful smile of his. 

“Chan?”, he heard after a while of just enjoying the moment. 

He looked up and saw his friends standing around the coffin with him. 

“We know you’re not really good with speeches but are you sure you don’t wanna say anything?”, Minho asked him calmly. 

Chan thought about it. There were a lot of things he wanted to say actually. So many that he simply didn’t knew where to start. He couldn’t even organize his thoughts. It was all too much but also not enough.  
He was prepared for the day or at least that’s what he forced himself to think.  
Changbin had this illness since forever and yet it came out of nowhere when he was called by his mother telling him his best friend didn’t survived the surgery. It’s weird because he survived so many before. Chan was used to getting calls by his mother at any hour, telling him that Changbin either went or left the hospital again. He was so used to that anxious feeling that he almost felt relieved when it hit him that he won’t ever get those calls from his mom again. This second of relief was however replaced with the utter feeling of sadness before he could even try to deny it.  
A sadness that laid so heavy on his shoulders that he couldn’t even stand probably anymore… even less look up anymore. It seems like ever since Changbin died his eyes saw nothing but his own feet walking all kind of roads. Chan didn’t saw whats infront or next to him anymore. It’s been a while since he looked up to the sky as well. It was as if he became blind.

“As you know, I was never religious but I’m somehow sure that whenever my time comes I’ll end up in this place called heaven.”

He smiled and looked at the flowers that were spread around his hand that still laid on the coffin.  
It still felt like Changbin was sitting there, right with them. Humming his favorite melody. Arguing with Jisung, showing off his new english skills to Felix, singing with Seungmin, rolling his eyes playfully at Minho, annoying Jeongin, cuddling with Hyunjin while giving Chan this look full of happiness and love. Because that what he was- Happy and loving. 

“I bet he’s laughing at us right now.”, he chuckled and looked up, being greeted by a blue sky brightened by the sun. A fitting weather if you asked him. 

The others laughed lightly and also locked their eyes on the brightness above them. 

“So Channie, look up every now and then.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

17.10.2021

User CB97 uploaded a song: ‘For you’ by 3racha.

In memories of Seo Changbin.


End file.
